Although my ex-husband and I are still working on our co-parenting relationship, and I'm sure it will be an ongoing and ever changing one, I do not have any negative thoughts about my time spent with him. I don't wish him ill will or hold any bad energy for him in my heart. We have known each other for eighteen years. He is the father of my children and I will always be grateful to him for giving me that gift.
I mean, we've been divorced for 7 years. I moved on awhile ago. But, even so, it's never healthy to hold onto that negative energy for any reason.
So this blog post is about the subject that most divorced men and women avoid: the good parts of marriage before the divorce that no one asks about and no one talks about. Because, if there was "good," then why did you get divorced? It's a very touchy question that is only asked amongst very good friends. "If there is still love between you and so much that you find good about him, then why can't you make it work?" Or my favorite, "how can you even say you have good memories with a person who did xyz to you?" This may seem obvious, but even nice people get divorced.
Sometimes people encounter problems that are just too big for them.
I was only 22 years old when I got married.
I would never recommend to anyone to ever get married that young. My ex-husband and I were way too naive and unprepared for married life. I legitimately believed that we would seamlessly go from the fun dating life to married life with no problems at all. Of course there were problems; every marriage has them. I was unaware of the issues that followed the marriage certificate.
But in the beginning of our marriage, we still had so much fun together.
He really was my best friend. I could sit on the couch in my ugliest pajamas and eat ice cream out of the carton and he would probably say "is there any for me?" We still went on dates, hung out with our friends, took day trips, etc. We both did our best to make sure the other was happy.
The sweetest thing he ever did for me was give me a piano. It wasn't just any piano. He found this beaten up, old, out of tune, ugly piano somewhere and took it home with him one day. He spent weeks fixing it up and refinishing it for me so I would have a piano to play on in our house. Anyone can buy a piano. But someone who loves you takes something ugly and makes it beautiful for you. It eventually became the piano I played on for our babies after they were born. Now, our son Matthew loves playing the piano.
We spent our first "married" Christmas together in London, England. It was a trip I'll never forget. The whole city seemed magical during Christmas. We saw a show, toured the city, did the usual sightseeing stuff. It was so special to us to have that memory together - that time and tradition, just the two of us.
My marriage was wonderful until we couldn't make it work anymore. I am sure I will blog about that part another time. But, the sentiment I am focusing on here is that make sure you really work hard on your problems with your partner before throwing in the towel. Don't leave any regrets hanging in the air just because you didn't feel like putting the effort in to the relationship. Marriage is work.
So, divorce sucks and I hope you never have to go through it. It was my ending, and I am fine with that, because the beginning of the next stage of my life was even more beautiful.